Arthur

Will sir be needing a tax receipt?

Over the course of your life you’ll find that some people are absolutely devoted to hospitality. Consider my man Arthur. He is such a consumate professional when he waits tables you don’t even notice him until he is all up in your face offering h’orderves.

“Would sir like some freshly ground black pepper”

Oh Arthur, you’ve gone and done it again.

Prue

Talking during Antiques Roadshow will not be tolerated.

Most people have an area of interest. Some can even be classed as passionate. Only a few can be called a true enthusiast. Prue is completely mental for antique furniture.

Seriously, bitch can’t get enough of that shit.

What have you found now Prue? A vintage ottoman? For the living room? Oh my, won’t that look an absolute treat.

Frankie

Running for student rep this year.

Frankie is a mature aged student. It’s something of a career choice for him.

What he learnt early on is that the key to being a well liked mature student it to know lots of slight of hand tricks.

What’s this behind your ear? Some marijuana?

Oh, man.

Too much, mature aged student.

Tooooo much.

Interview: Roger

First class.

This week we interview postal travel warrior Roger.

Mad Greets: Thanks for doing the interview Roger. With a schedule like yours you must have ended up in some really tight spots over the years?

Roger: Let me tell you. This one time I found myself in Panama and I only had a MasterCard, but they only accepted VISA. I just had to sit back and laugh. What a situation! Good thing I always pack some US dollars in my sock.

Mad Greets: Sounds ridiculous, I can only imagine.

Roger: Only in Asia, as they say.

Mad Greets: But you were in Panama?

Roger: It’s a turn of phrase.

Mad Greets: I see. Any other stories?

Roger: Another time I turned up at the airport only to find that due to increased security they wouldn’t let my water bottle through the checkpoint. Well, I always like to travel with water because dehydration is a very real threat these days, so I insisted on taking it through. After a bit of an argument I settled for buying another one on the other side of the checkpoint. That worked out OK for me in the end. It’s all about really tackling the problem and thinking on your feet.

Mad Greets: Is that a common problem?

That was the last time I traveled topside anyway. Now I do the box thing and can have my own water. It’s liberating. I’d probably rate it around 100 on the liberation scale. That’s an incredibly high score.

Mad Greets: Wow.

Cecil

Elite.

Quite often you’ll read about hackers on the internet.

It’s topical.

What you don’t read about is Cecil.

Cecil is a such a good hacker than he doesn’t even need to touch his computer with his hands. Man just sits on it and shits out zero day exploits.

Cleveland

Anybody want some motherfucking Earl Grey?

Cleveland used to be a rap superstar, lived large. Big House, five cars, he was in charge.

These days he’s quietened down a little though. His new focus is miniature vintage trains. Sure, it might seem a little different to 40s and bitches, but everyone needs a hobby.

He’s even made a little station  for them.

It’s spectacular, let me tell you.

Robert

Oh. You've used Arial.

Take one look at Robert and you just know he is fucking anal about graphic design. And I don’t mean because he has an iPhone.

He obviously does though.

Par for the course, Robert, par for the course.

Rodriguez

Awwwwww shit.

Here’s a shot of my boy Rodriguez. He’s getting blind as he likes.

You drink Asahi? Well that’s sad for you, don. Anyone knows tongue sippin’ home brew crunk juice is where it’s at. Boy gets totally blind on the stuff.

And then you better believe the party is motherfucking on.

Straight up playa. On the roll 24/7.

Cedric

Harry Potter must not come back to Hogwarts this year.

Have you ever stopped to think about Atlantis? Not really into ultra historical episodes of magical intrigue? Rather chillax and read the new Harry Potter?

Well, that is the difference between you and my main man Cedric. He thrives on that shit.

Just last week he was giving me this mad chat about Atlantis, the prime fucking meridian and the Giza pyramids.

Holy shit, you better believe that stuff is totally insane.

Mavis

Lucky Rodney.

I bet you’re that kind of person. The type who rolls up to Christmas with no presents and has to scamper round in the last week buying chocolates and socks.

You need to take a leaf out of Mavis‘ book.

Not only does she knit everyone a personalised present by August, she does it in style.

What have you got there dearie? A squirrel? For Rodney?

Absolutely dynamite